expectations
by lyricsandlies
Summary: Never once did anyone ask what I wanted. Instead my life was being dictated for me. So I snapped. Wouldn't you though?


Never once did anyone ask what I wanted. Instead my life was being dictated for me. So I snapped. Wouldn't you though? All these expectations and rules I had to abide by. I could never be free and play like the others. It wasn't proper and as the eldest I had to set the example. Pureblood perfect Bellatrix that was me. See what their influence turned me into a cold blooded killer. If they had listened then maybe just maybe I would be leading a normal life instead of this hell.

I did always have a fascination with death. It started of with just the small things like killing insects and such. Then I began to crave more power more control. I relished in the feeling of being superior of being on top. Knowing I controlled whether they perished or survived. Almost like a game really sure its sick and twisted but it's a game all the same. Eventually I moved on to bigger things like stray cats and dogs it game me a thrill to hear their bones break. I was soon introduced to the Malfoy's and Lestranges after seeing I wasn't just a weak minded poster child they invited me into their fold. Soon tombs upon tombs of curses and hexes were revealed to me and my god it gave me this feeling of such elation I thrived on it. I couldn't wait to practice after all practice makes perfect. Eventually though I began to grow bored of such looking back trivial hexes I needed something more. I needed to almost feel their pain, hear them begging me for death.

Then my saviour came in the form of one lord voldemort. He gave me everything I ever desired. Freedom, power and hope. Hope that I could do something make something of myself. I don't know when my feelings began to change I just remember finding a new addiction, him. The perfect man an enforcer, idealistic and above all powerful. I could relate to him he wanted domination and power and so did I. The curses he taught me gave me a new insight in to life and I used them everyday. Pride was permanently emblazoned in me and nothing could diminish that even when that traitor ran off with the mudblood scum. I was making a difference I was doing what no other women my age had dared too.

Meanwhile my parents had no idea, sure they supported my lords ideas but they would be horrified knowing I had blood on my hands. It just wasn't proper leave the pruning to the men. That's what Ive always been told. They'd be turning in their graves if they knew the ins and outs of every sin Ive committed. Maybe once I would have cared but now I couldn't give a damn. This is me. They only have themselves to thank for that.

My affections for him grew stronger and stronger as time passed. Every thing I did I did for him. I think he knew it was like he could read every thought every desire that passed through me. The hint of a smirk eyes full of mirth that practically screamed I know. Maybe that's why I did what I did. I didn't want him to think of me as some pathetic weak minded child. So I agreed to marry Rudolphos don't get me wrong I did love him but never truly. So as our parents rejoiced in the idea of our families merging I began to vent out my frustrations more and more. I had enough of all the mindless talks about silver and goblin made tiaras it irked me. So I began to request more tasks from him it was the only way I could let the feelings out. Surprisingly he obliged and I began to earn more respect from him. It was wonderful and soon I became established as one of his most faithful death eaters and I loved it.

Then that cold hateful night came and my lord had been stripped of his power and it tore at me. I could barely believe it my master my lord my saviour dead? It just wasn't plausible. Grief and despair enticed every part of me and I set out to find him. I wouldn't rest until he was safely back. So I tortured the Longbottoms I wouldn't give up Id make them tell me everything they knew. Except they weren't breaking and fury possessed me and I lost control. I was desperate I would have gone for the baby had I knew where it was. Eventually I began to laugh everyone thinks it was out of pleasure. Only I know the truth. If I didn't laugh Id have broke down and that would surely be a lot worse. So here I am trapped in this god forsaken prison.

At least until he comes for me.


End file.
